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Here's where you'll find
some of the older content from the Davey1 website. Some of this stuff is
too good to delete completely, so we've created this archive for you to refer
to, if you wish.
Frights, Common Sense,
Life's Transitions,
Kansas City Letter,
Catholic Elementary School Test,
Two Boys Walking to School,
Who Was the First Person...,
Interesting Perspective;
Pet Peeves from the Dog's
Perspective; Great Truths;
Dog Nativity;
Jesus's Father; A Christmas Story;
Thanksgiving Letter to Bertha.
On June 1-2, 2007 the Elmwood High School Baseball
Team from Wood County made their first ever appearance in the OHSAA State
Baseball Tournament. On Friday, June 1 the Royals defeated Youngstown
Ursuline 3-2, and advanced to the final game vs. Heath. On Saturday,
June 2 the Royals were defeated by Heath 6-3. Elmwood finished the
year Second Place in the state in Division 3. A truly great
accomplishment. In honor of this achievement, here are a few photos of
the 2007 Royals at the state tournament.
.
OHSAA Commissioner Dan Ross presenting the State
Runner-Up Trophy to the Elmwood Royals baseball team. June 2, 2007.
(All photos by Davey1)
Youngstown Ursuline bats vs. Elmwood in the
Semi-Final game on June 1, 2007. Nathanial Fitch catching for Elmwood.
Ryan Rothenbuhler pitches vs. Youngtown Ursuline
in the Semi-Final game on June 1, 2007.
Ben Hammer bats on June 2nd against Heath. Final
game.
Ryan Rothenbuhler playing 3rd base, with Adam
Sheline pitching. Final game vs. Heath. June 2, 2007.
For additional Photos click
Here
Many of the regular readers of this website are
familiar with the contributions of writer Lynn Wineland that have appeared here
previously. Here's his latest article for your enjoyment. You'll see
more of his writing at the bottom of this page.
In 1969, Johnny Cash
recorded that famous song, "A Boy Named Sue". We've all heard it and
laughed through it. Well, I'm a guy, named Lynn; and it's been an
interesting experience so far.
My Dad went to school with a boy named Lynn, from Van
Buren, Ohio, back in the 1930's. I guess Lynn was more of a guy's name back
them. In 1961, when I came into the world, Dad wanted his boy to be named
Lynn, because he liked the name. But by this point, Lynn was pretty much a
girls name. Needless to say, it's a small cross I've had to bear over the
years. But, for a fella, I'm a bit more in touch with my feminine side than
a lot of guys. I guess that's a good thing!
Of course, I took my share of ribbing when I was a kid
in school because of my name. But there are times it could have worked to
my advantage. My first year in college, I was assigned to a girls dorm. I
thought this was too good to be true. I later found out it was, when they
discovered I was a fella.
When I was living at home, I signed up with a temporary
employment agency, and Mom took a phone message that they needed me to
work. When I returned their call, the person on the other end stumbled
around a bit, and said they needed girls to model clothing; and they were
sorry that I didn't fit the bill. In today's world, could I have reported
them for gender discrimination?
I occasionally receive advertisements in the mail for
sewing machines, women's clothing, and other household things. I cannot
tell you how many times I have received mail to Miss, Mrs., or Ms. Lynn
Wineland. That really offends me!. I just pass it onto my wife since she's
Mrs. Lynn Wineland.
After I got married and saw our name in the phone
directory; it was "Betty and Lynn Wineland". That's who we are! But, I've
often wondered how many people reading that, think we're a lesbian couple.
I guess my name fit's the bill somewhat, because my
wife is a Minister; which makes me to be the "Preachers Wife". It's a role
reversal that has worked out well for us. I'm proud as a pumpkin to be the
minister's husband, and have caught very little flack over it. But, many is
the time I'm introduced by parishioners, to strangers as, "This is Lynn
Wineland; The Preachers Wife." It confuses them because I'm a guy with a
girls name, stereotypically in a woman's role. Of course, as you know,
you'll find numerous guys out there these days whose wife is the pastor of
mostly mainline churches.
Another role reversal situation that took place since
my wife was working fulltime when she was pregnant; is that I became Mr.
Mom, or "Mah-dy" to our little girl after she was born; up until school
age. Being Mr. Mom was something I will always cherish, and have never
regretted. I loved being Mr. Mom. The only time it bothered me, was when
there was a particularly horrific diaper encounter. That's when I handed
the kid over to her Mother. Besides that, such was usually a two person
procedure, anyway.
To close out, I can't forget to tell you that this man,
named Lynn, because of a peculiar health situation some time ago, has had to
endure a Mammogram. Everything was fine, and I was found to be healthy.
But, ladies; I've been through it too. And you're right, it a strange
experience. I'd go so far as to say, it is one of the top five strangest
things, I've ever undergone.
Just a word before I close. Do me, and your future
children a favor by not giving them names that would normally be given to
the opposite sex. Take Johnny Cash's, and my advice from the last line of
his song. "And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him Bill or
George! Anything but (Lynn)!
Lynn Wineland lives in the beautiful village of
Wayne, Ohio. You can write him at
unclelester@woh.rr.com. He'd love to hear from you.
********
Here's a new item that
is by Lynn Wineland, so Davey1 is sharing it with you.
We have this thing at home where we
take pleasure in scaring each other. If ya want to hear my
daughter scream, let there be a spider, or silverfish in the
room. The same works for my wife, but sometimes she'll be in
the laundry room, and if ya come up behind her and talk or yell,
she'll jump, but not for joy. I, myself, am easily startled
when engrossed in work, reading or whatever. It's also fun to
stick something like a plastic spider, or some weird object in
bed for the person to lay their head on, or discover as they
pull down the covers.
I live beside a church, and am
sometimes over making photocopies, or running errands, and
people will come in the building not knowing another person is
there. It's usually common courtesy to make some kind of noise,
or make mention that you're in there, so ya don't scare the
bejeebers out of the other one. There has been a time though,
when I've walked in and scared someone, then had to greatly
apologize for my mistake.
If you're creative about it, you
can find all kinds of interesting ways to frighten people. Just
do it so that you don't let yourself become the next victim.
A college buddy who I've lost
contact with, told me a story of his youth when he was camping
with his family. It was one of those places where you had go up
the hill to use the outhouse. Apparently, there was a fella at
the campground that had caused my friend some trouble, and
payback was in the works. On the lower back wall of the
outhouse was a trap door where the sewer sucking fella would
come and suck the sewer out. One evening when the "bad guy"
went in to use the facilities, my friend and one of his cronies
were hiding behind the outhouse. One opened the trap door,
while the other shoved a big rock down into the pit. Woooooosh!
Everything, wet toilet paper, and all the goo shot up out of the
toilet seat, and the screaming victim, plastered with goo, went
running out of the outhouse, and back down the hill with his
pants half down.
This time of the year, people will
pay money to have themselves scared silly, with the haunted
houses and all. But during the rest of the year, save them a
few dollars and just scare them yourself. And if they get mad
at you, remind them that you're doing this out of the goodness
of your heart. Tell them it's an early Halloween present. They
might even thank you.
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Common Sense
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common
Sense. Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for
sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in
bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as
knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the
worm and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple,
sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and
reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).
His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. - Reports of a
six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a
classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after
lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only
worsened his condition.
Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get
parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not
inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have
an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments
became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals
received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in
her lap, and was awarded a huge financial settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust,
his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son,
Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima
Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was
gone.
If you still remember him, pass this on; if not, join the majority
and do nothing.
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Life's Transitions
Life
is full of transitions:
ups and downs; beginnings and endings; gains and losses.
Whenever we grow, we create an opening for something new in
our lives. An opening that requires us to let go of
something else in order to make the emotional as well the
physical space for change.
Think about the transitions in your life. Some could be
recent or several years ago. Moving to a new home, starting
a new job, entering a new relationship? Each requires you to
give up the familiarity, safety and comfort of something
known for something that may be unknown, unfamiliar and
uncomfortable. Is it any wonder that so many of us remain
stuck in our lives, resistant and unwilling to change? Even
when change could lead us to something that is productive
and good?
When it comes to change, how often do we struggle and fight
to keep things the same? We hang on to people, places and
positions that no longer work for us because we can only see
what we are losing instead of what we will be gaining.
The beauty in transition is getting to the other side,
because that is where you really gain your life back. The
journey along the way is how we learn more about our
personal strengths and limitations. We also learn more about
the people in our lives and what our life is capable of. It
is at the end of the transition that you can truly see just
how much more authentic and intentional you can be in your
life. How strong and resilient you really are. How exciting
your life can be when it is full of new possibilities
instead of old limitations.
Still, transitions can be uncomfortable and unsettling. That
is why, to help you navigate the often choppy waters of
necessary losses, experts suggest the following:
Recognize that feelings of fear and anxiety are normal
during transition. Give yourself permission to grieve
and experience feelings of loss. Acknowledge there
will be people in your life that cannot be a part of this
transition. Accept the new people in your life who will help
you with your transition. These people may be gone after
your transition, and old colleagues and friends may
reappear. Celebrate your courage! You are moving forward and
are no longer stuck. Practice extreme self-care.
Transitions are stressful and take a toll on you physically,
emotionally and spiritually. Embrace the change around you!
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This letter is supposed to have been found in
the streets of Kansas City in the 1800's.
Dear Son,
Your Pa has a good job now, the first in 47 years. We are a great
deal better off than we were. Your Pa gets $14.95 every Thursday so
we thought we would do a little fixing up. We sent to Montgumry
Wards for one of dem new fangled things called a bathroom that you
hear tell of in some houses. It is put in place by a man we call a
plumber. In one side of the room is a big long thing like the hogs
drink out of, only you get in and wash your body all over. On the
other side of the room is a little white thing called a sink. This
is fer washings like your hands and face. But over in the corner,
Son, we've got somethin dere a little contraption that you put your
one foot in and wash it and then you pull a little chain and get
fresh water to wash the other foot in. Two lids came with the darn
thing and we ain't had any use fer them, so I'm using one for a
bread board and the other one has a big hole in it. Se we took it
and framed Grandpa's picture with it. They are awful nice people to
deal with. They sent us a big roll of writin paper with it.
Take keer of yerself, Son
Ma
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Catholic Elementary School Test
Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the
Bible, even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a
Catholic Elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about the
old and new testaments. The following statements about the Bible
were written by children. They have not been retouched nor
corrected. (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in).
1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis. God got tired of
creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an Apple tree. Noah's wife was
called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in
pears.
3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire
during the night.
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had
trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a
Jezebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
7. Moses led the Jews to the Red sea where they made unleavened
bread which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert, Afterwards, Moses
went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
10. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada . Then Joshua led the
Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
12. The greates miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to
stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He
fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in bibical
times.
14. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna
Carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found
Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others
before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by
sweat alone.
20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to
get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The epistels were the wives of the apostals.
23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony,
which is another name for marraige.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
IN GOD WE TRUST!
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Timmy was a little five year old boy whose Mom loved him
very much, and being a worrier, she was concerned about him walking
to school when he started Kindergarten. She walked him to school
the first couple of days, and at the end of the week, he came home
from school and told his mother that he did not want her walking him
to school everyday. He wanted to be like the "big boys" he
protested loudly.
So she had an
idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if
she would please follow him to school in the mornings,staying at a
distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her. Mrs. Goodnest said
that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a
good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.
The next school
day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out following
behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he
knew. She did this for the whole week.
As the boys
walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little friend
noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every
day all week. Finally he said to Timmy, "Have you noticed that lady
following us to school all week? Do you know her?"
Timmy
nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, I know who she is." The Friend said,
"Well, who is she?" "That's just Shirley Goodnest" Timmy replied,
"and her daughter Marcy."
"Shirley
Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us?"
"Well", Timmy
explained, "every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my
prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much. And in the psalm, it
says 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my
life,' so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!"
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Who was the first person to look at a
cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there....
I'm gonna eat
the next thing that comes outta it's butt."
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast
to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song
about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out
of coconut, why
can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed
if they are
going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both
dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme
crap, why didn't he
just buy dinner?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made
from vegetables,
then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from
morons?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the
hemisphere, but call
it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he
gets mad at you,
but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out
the window?
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Interesting Perspective
A car company can move its factories to
Mexico and claim it's a free market.
A toy company can outsource to a Chinese
subcontractor and claim it's a free market.
A major bank can incorporate in Bermuda to avoid
taxes and claim it's a free market.
We can buy HP Printers made in Mexico. We can buy
shirts made in Bangladesh.
We can purchase almost anything we want from many different
countries.
BUT, heaven help the elderly who dare to buy their prescription
drugs from a
Canadian (or Mexican) pharmacy. That's called un-American!
And you think the pharmaceutical companies don't have a powerful
lobby? Think again!
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PET PEEVES FROM THE DOG'S PERSPECTIVE
1. Blaming your farts on me...not funny...not funny at all.
2. Yelling at me for barking...I AM A DOG!!
3. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over
everything while you're gone. Have you noticed that your toothbrush
tastes a little like cat spit?!!
4. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out.
EXACTLY whose walk is this anyway?
5. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose..........stop
it.
6. Yelling at me for rubbing my bum on your carpet. Why'd you buy
the carpet?
7. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry,
but I haven't quite mastered that firm handshake thing yet.
8. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the
truth, you're just jealous.
9. Dog sweaters. Hello ????? Have you noticed the fur?
10. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now, you know why we
chew your stuff up when you're not home.
11. When you stop to pick up the poop in the yard. Do you realize
how far behind schedule that puts me?
12. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip," then acting surprised
when I FREAK out every time we go back.
13. The sleight of hand, fake-fetch-throw. You fooled a dog! What a
proud moment from the top of the food chain
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GREAT TRUTHS
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch
the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the
toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're
down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking
chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers
to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . .. having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . going all the way.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . going all the way.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.
Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way BUT never
forget to remember the blessings that come each day.
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A lot of the things that
will be appearing here will be items that I've received from my friends.
Here's a picture that I received a few days ago, and it's certainly appropriate
to the season, so I thought I'd post it for the rest of you to enjoy.
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A Sunday school teacher asked her class,
"What was Jesus' mother's name?"
One child answered, "Mary."
The teacher then asked, "Who knows what
Jesus' father's name was?"
A little kid said, "Verge." Confused, the
teacher asked, "Where did you get that?" The kid said,
"Well, you know they are always talking about Verge n' Mary.
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A couple weeks ago I
received an e-mail from a friend concerning how busy we get as Christmas
approaches. Just read below and think about the real meaning of Christmas.
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This morning I heard a story on the radio of a woman
who was out Christmas shopping with her two children. After many
hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else
imaginable. And after hours of hearing both her children asking for
everything they saw on those many shelves, she finally made it to
the elevator with her two kids.
She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday
season time of the year. Overwhelming pressure to go to every party,
every housewarming, taste all the holiday food and treats, getting
that perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list,
making sure we don't forget anyone on our card list, and the
pressure of making sure we respond to everyone who sent us a card.
Finally the elevator doors opened and there was already a crowd
in the car. She pushed her way into the car and dragged her two kids
in with her and all the bags of stuff. When the doors closed she
couldn't take it anymore and stated, "Whoever started this whole
Christmas thing should be found, strung up and shot."
From the back of the car everyone heard a quiet calm voice
respond, "Don't worry, we already crucified him." For the rest of
the trip down the elevator it was so quiet you could have heard a
pin drop.
Don't forget this year to keep the One who started this
whole Christmas thing in your every thought, deed, purchase, and
word. If we all did it, just think of how different this whole world
would be.
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Last week
was Thanksgiving. It's especially a good time to remind ourselves of what
we are thankful for and what we value. Last week a friend of mine
forwarded the following message to me, and I'd like to pass it on to you.
It seems appropriate at this time of the year.
"This was
written by an 83-year-old woman to her friend.
Dear Bertha,
I'm reading
more and dusting less. I'm sitting in the yard and admiring the view without
fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family
and friends and less time working.
Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to
endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.
I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special
event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis
blossom.
I wear my good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can
shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries. I'm not saving my good perfume
for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers
at the bank.
"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If
it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now.
I'm not sure what others would've done had they known they wouldn't be here for
the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think they would have called family
members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to
apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think they would have
gone out for a Chinese dinner or for whatever their favorite food was. I'm
guessing; I'll never know.
It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours
were limited. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to
write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and
parents often enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to
put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our
lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, tell myself that it is special.
Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God."
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